i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
