Plan B is the new Plan A
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
