just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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