I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
