i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
