i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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