Define "chronic" masturbator.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
