The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
