Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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