OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
