Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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