she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
