So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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