i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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