Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
