There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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