his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
