Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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