So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize