i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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