I am full of burrito and curiosity
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
