well I can't set my house on fire every night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
