flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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