I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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