I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
