Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
