FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
