here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
