Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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