haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
