forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize