This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
