one two three fourrrrnication!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
