im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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