just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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