Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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