There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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