Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize