I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
this is an emotional support booty call
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
