I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
