are you still at the devil's house?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
