my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
