Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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