a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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