HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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