Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
