he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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