I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
