I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
