This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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