U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
