dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
