we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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