sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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