Already got asked if we're dating
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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