i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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