OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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