And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize