Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
