apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
