Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
