I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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