you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
