my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
