wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
