So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
