How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
