i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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