you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
