I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
